Words, Words, Words. Part Twain

Posted: November 7, 2012 by S. Trevor Swenson in Home, Me & Mine, Observations
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

This afternoon, during a phone call with the lovely and talented Ms. Gow, she confessed to feeling a little blue and guilty.

“But Why?” asked I. (huh-huh rhyme)

Last week a friend and former co-worker of The Gow died after a battle with cancer. Being a sensitive and kind person (except when driving) the Gow was naturally devastated by this. She is a self-proclaimed emotional mush ball who cries easily and often. She has been sad over this all weekend, and I feel for her. I lost my mom to cancer in March, my dad was diagnosed last year which worried me and of course wasn’t exactly a joyous treat for him and my step mom, and I watched my friend Mark die of colon cancer in the early 90s. It is a very sad and painful way for a person to die. Gow is scheduled to come up and visit me this Friday for a comedy show and a weekend of movies, brunch, football and other things we love to do together. The funeral is set for Friday and Gow felt bad about missing it…then she felt bad about being slightly relieved that she had a prior commitment and would miss the funeral.I tried to comfort her explaining that:

A: She felt bad about missing the funeral

B: She did have a prior commitment causing her to miss the funeral, something she had planned for and spent money on, and thus wasn’t lying to get out of attending a funeral or blowing it off.

C: Funerals are sad, unhappy and unpleasant occasions and it’s natural to not really want to attend them.

I tried to cheer my BFF up and discuss the matter with her. It really was to a certain degree, the thought that counted in this instance. Then I had one of my odd little brain blips. I have ADD and at any given time there are lots of odd and sometimes clever thoughts floating around in there.

“Gow, there should be a word for that kind of thing.”

“What kind of thing?”

“When you have to do something disagreeable…and something legit comes up and you are…excused so to speak….but as relieved as you are, you have to act like you’re disappointed.”

Gow agreed with me that there should be a word for this reasonably frequent occurrence in life. Imagine if you had a sick friend and you called and offered to bring by some hot soup, comic books and dvds for them. Being a good friend, you honestly meant to do this…but let’s say a little later, you’re tired, or had a bad day and you’d like to put off your promised mission of mercy…then, you get summoned into work last minute, or your ill friend calls and says “You know I just took some NyQuil, some Tylenol PM and there is a Murder, She Wrote marathon coming on, so I’m probably going to pass out…. would you mind if I canceled your soup and comic delivery?” Now, you’re excused and you’re grateful, you dodged the bullet and without lying or blowing off…but of course you have to act slightly disappointed. “Oh, are you sure?”

I made up a few expressions for this type of circumstance, but Gow shot them down.

“Those are expressions…not words, honey”

“So it can’t be an expression?”

“No, it has to be a word.”

“OK, I’ll work on it.”

I apologize. I know this is a rather long build up to my piece about words.


Other words that I have become fond of recently are:

Turd: This is probably my word of the month. I like its sound. It’s a blunt word resembling a thud. It’s not a swear, but it’s a distant cousin. Turd is also great when it’s coupled with other words to describe something or someone disagreeable. Rush Limbaugh is a turd in a polo shirt. It also rhymes with lots of other words which makes for interesting and lilty speech patterns. Try to use “turd” in a sentence this week boys and girls.

Buffoon: I actually prefer the adverb form “Buffoonery”. Again, it’s not a bad word, but it’s still an insult or derogatory, which is helpful to me since I’m generally a pretty negative person. There is all kinds of buffoonery happening at any given time. Being a YouTube addict and looking up obscure songs and movie scenes, I stumbled on to a wonderful, contextual instance of the word “buffoon

Jim Morrison was a drunken buffoon posing as a poet. Buffoons are mostly harmless, but we’d all be just a little better off without them. Another famous buffoon is Ed McMahon, (or frankly any TV show side kick, yes-man. They’re all buffoons.) This is why I admire Craig Ferguson for using a robot (Geoff Peterson) as his side kick. Geoff is more entertaining than Ed McMahon or Paul Schaefer. Plus I sleep better when I know that buffoons aren’t making in a week what I make in 5 years merely by laughing at late night talk show shills who couldn’t pass funny gas after a Mexican buffet lunch.

Derp: Derp is a nonsensical word to describe stupid people, behavior, statements or mistakes. I like how it sounds. I enjoy voice manipulation and Derp is a wonderful word to use in many tones and accents. Try it with me aloud:

Southern Accent: “Derp”,
French Accent “Dairp”
English Accent “Duhrp”

See? Wasn’t that fun?

More pieces on words to come and please write in and tell me some of your favorite words, and why you love them so much.

  1. Sank says:

    Thanks for dropping by, hilaroous. I haven’t used turd in a long time, but I think I’m going start again. I’ll work into something this week. I liked trud burgler too but I don’t like to offend my Gay friends. I started using douche-nozzel this week to describe a parent at the kids theature booster meeting, my wife, usually offended by references to fem-hy products actualy gave me some props for that one. I tossed a link to your site on mine, should be good for a nother hit a year for you.
    I do what I can…

    • Sank, you are too kind. I shall have my editor/BFF link me to you as well. Yes “turd” is long overdue for a comeback. Interestingly my gay friends have provided me with the best gay slurs. Would’a thunk? I prefer “nugget” to “nozzle” when following the d word. You say Tomato…


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