Posted: October 24, 2012 by S. Trevor Swenson in General, Life, Me & Mine
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The cast of “Saw”

Today while browsing through YouTube I decided to look up “Cast Removal”. Years ago, when I was a young tot of 5 or 6, I had a couple of surgeries on my feet. (I was born with my footsies turning in.) Believe it or not, back then I was not the athletic juggernaut that many of you have come to know and love. I started to grow out of my casts and they were becoming more uncomfortable. So, the good doctor said “No problem, we’ll just give this big boy a new set of casts.” I was thrilled with this news until he came back with, pardon the F-bomb, a fucking SAW! I was a dumb kid, but I did remember my grandfather’s stern warning about not messing about with saws. My grandfather was one of those old timers with a gruesome story for every occasion…fishing lures that caught the unaware by the ear lobe when flung by overzealous casters, which would result in being hauled into the Cape Cod Canal…and of course, little boys who didn’t listen to their grandpa’s and lost fingers while playing with the saw he had been told to stay away from.

Anyhoo, I was terrified and immediately starting pleading with the doctor that my feet didn’t hurt, that my feet were just fine and dandy and why didn’t we just leave the casts on until they fell off…I didn’t want to trouble the man with having to break out power tools, and by the way, wasn’t there an energy crisis? I begged and begged and started to cry. I cried through the entire cast removal, even though it tickled and didn’t hurt at all. Looking back on it I’m a little upset that the doctor didn’t do anything to alleviate my fears. Doctors are kind of assholes to small children when you think about it. They say ‘This wont hurt a bit.” prior to a shot, when we all know very well that shots not only hurt, but they also feel icky. One of my grandmother’s favorite tales of my youth is me asking to keep my casts after they were taken off so that I could “belt the doctor across the head with them.” Kids say the darndest things…

I am looking forward to having my current cast removed. I’m not quite the scaredy cat that I was at age 5…close, but not quite. I am still going to insist upon a pre-cast-removal pep talk, reassurances and a lollipop for being a big brave boy. I didn’t get one 37 years ago, and I feel I am owed one.

I watched the first YouTube clip which featured a young boy with a cast on his arm. The doctor in the clip was a big black man who was leaps and bounds cooler than Dr. De Sade and his magic saw. The doctor in the clip was nice and funny, and the little boy was leaps and bounds braver than I had been. I bet he got a pre-saw pep talk. To cement Dr. Cool’s awesome approach to medicine. . .”Smell it” he said to the boy, “It’s not that bad”. Interestingly this is what I say to The Gow after we’ve had a big Mexican meal. She’s a good sport about it.

After the cast removal clip I clicked on another home movie featuring a little boy who had just broken his arm. He was crying and freaking out as people have been known to do after breaking a limb. What blew my mind was that his parents saw this as an opportunity for a little internet fame. They went and got a mini cam, and prior to taking the tyke to the ER, they began interviewing him . “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I thought watching the parents of the year. “Does it hurt?” they asked. The boy answered tearfully in the affirmative. He was much more calm than I would have been given the circumstances. If my dad had been filming me after suffering a bad break and my mother asked such an unbelievably stupid question. I hope I would have answered, “What the Hell do you think, Barbara Walters?”

I couldn’t watch the rest of the clip. It made me want to hunt down Mike and Carol, break their arms, and hand their son a mini cam and a microphone to interview them.

“So, mom and dad, before we go to the hospital, could you describe what it feels like to break a bone?” “Could you please look at the camera?” “Let’s take it from the top.”

  1. Ah, parenting in the YouTube age… every dark cloud has a silver-lining of reality fame…


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