New Reality TV Show Concept

Posted: October 3, 2012 by S. Trevor Swenson in Entertainment, Observations
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

So simple, even a child can understand.

Today while trying to garner sympathy and giggles on Facebook I posted this:

I know that most of my friends on here are generally too bright to be told this, but maybe they could spread the word. When you are standing 2 feet away from a person on crutches, in a wheelchair, or using a walker and they are struggling with opening a door…resist the urge to stand back and watch them as entertaining as it might be…give the door a little push, or hold it for them. I am amazed with the amount of people who don’t seem to be able to wrap their minds around this.

Many of my friends responded, but one response in particular got my warped little creative juices flowing. It came from my dear friend Gillian in London, the ever-enduring girlfriend of my bro Ruprecht (aka Julian Marszalek) Yes, I know a couple named Julian and Gillian. Yes, it’s funny and cool.

Gillian Feldon: What you need is a major global sporting event to highlight the needs of the less abled whilst journeying round the city…..

I loved it. Ladies and Germs I want to pitch my latest brilliant reality TV game show concept. “The Weakest Gimp.”

“Less abled?” Yeah that’s me. Hell even without a cast I’m “less abled”. Sounds like PC-feel-good nicey-nicey speak to me. That’s why I wanted to be in everyone’s face and use the decidedly un-sugarcoated term “Gimp.” My mom, whenever she was “less abled” (hip replacement surgery, rheumatoid arthritis, back aches, stubbed toes and an unbelievably taxing fruit of her loins) used this word to describe herself. “El Gimpo” was her favorite and I ran with it calling her “Grandmother Gimpworthy”

Definition of GIMP
1: cripple
2: limp
— gimpy \ˈgim-pē\ adjective

You watched . . . you know you did!

“The Weakest Gimp” just rolls off the tongue. You need a strong or catchy title for TV shows. Y’know. Survivor, The REAL world, or Gilligan’s Island.

Now, the first thing you need for a reality/contest/game sort of show is an appropriate host or hostess. A quick search of handicapped celebrities and I came up with…

Hmmmm “Disabled World” That sounds promising

Shit, Christopher Reeve would have been perfect. Sadly, Christopher Reeve (Not so very-Superman) is no longer with us. I think were going to have to go to plan B and get some washed up entertainer to host TWG. I have been tirelessly working to revamp the career of Ted Lange, best known for his work as Isaac the bartender on The Love Boat. If Ted is available, which I suspect he just might be… the producers would make him wear the white or bright red jacket he wore on the show and do his patented point and smile during the theme music.

“Hey, good try there little buddy. Can I getcha a Mai Tai?”

So my first choice is Ted Lange. But Ted should have a co-host. Someone who needs the work, someone with reality TV chops…I’m thinking Snooki or Sarah Palin.

OK we’ve got the host and hostess for the show…Now the concept and the competition. I have been noticing that hopping around is incredibly difficult and frustrating. It is also exhausting. I have recently developed an appreciation and deep admiration for the handicapped who use crutches and wheel chairs and manage to travel more than ten feet without a complete emotional breakdown. They make it look easy. As I have come to realize over the past few weeks, it is decidedly physically and emotionally difficult to get around on crutches. I have yet to make it half a city block without a complete hissy fit. I can hardly pass by people who don’t drop everything immediately and offer to carry me without snarling “It’s OK, I’ve got it” at them. Crutches are tough. I don’t have any insight on wheelchairs, but I can imagine that spending a life at crotch or ass level is not a joyous treat.

So, maybe we could start with a 100 yard “dash” on crutches for the recently injured contestants on TWG. We line them up in one end zone and give them each one crutch. Then we put 20 Linebackers, defensive tackles, slow walking little old ladies, and text messaging teenagers on the opposite end of the field to move forward and try to stop them. The winner would win a hoveround power chair charged with one hour’s electricity and immunity from elimination for one week. To make things more interesting, we could use 50 of the NFL’s most penalized players as a “deterrent”.

The next contest would be to navigate the subway system to 34th St. Herald Square, where they would have to twist and turn through the obstacles that are Macy’s shoppers and glacier slow tourists staring perpetually upward fascinated with buildings over 4 stories. Then they would crutch, hop or crawl to the Empire State Building and ascend the stairs to the 107th floor where they would again win immunity and a cold can of diet coke.

Now, that’s good television!

Then there is always the possibility of “The Gimpy 500”. Put the competing gimps on souped up and tricked out Hoveround Scooters. Given the speed of these vehicles, this would probably be a 2 or 3 day event. To make things even more interesting, the pit crews could be legally blind. This would also give the program more chances for advertising revenue…Depends and other incontinence products for example.

The possibilities are limitless.


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