Posted: November 12, 2011 by S. Trevor Swenson in Life, Observations
Tags: , , , , , , ,
I lost so much of my early writing.  I started writing regularly and seriously about 5 or 6 years back. Most of the early stuff was posted on MySpace which dropped my blogs after a certain amount of time. It’s a pity as some of it, in my opinion, was funny and strong stuff. I’d like to think, and I have been told, that I have improved as a writer over the years. One former friend even wrote that I was “really funny, like drag queen funny.”  Anyone who has seen a New York drag queen worth their salt knows that this is very high praise. Still, I’d like to have access to the old stuff so I could revisit the ideas and punch up the pieces.
It’s my own fault that I never made copies, and Gow is busy as my editor, fact checker and archivist. Gow got me to sign up for a blogging site, gets me to read other peoples work so I am brought back down to earth, and makes me revise my writing. Gow read the old stuff and liked it. In fact the moniker “Gow” comes from a tale of a visit to the eye doctor that

It's for sceince, damnit!

especially tickled her. My youthful experimentation with ecstasy, LSD and other substances may have been consciousness expanding, but it hasn’t done wonders for my memory. Ah well, these are the exchanges we make in life. I assure everyone that these really were experiments, and that I wore a lab coat, carried a clip board and took notes whenever possible. Unfortunately most of my LSD “lab notes” were done in finger paint and are lacking in a certain scientifically disciplined format.

I remember years ago writing about dating sites and companies and I wanted to revisit my thoughts and findings. What had originally inspired me was that my mother tried to sign up for e-harmony and after filling out an extensive questionnaire, she was informed that she didn’t match any of the criteria their members were looking for. It was a bittersweet realization. I want my mom to meet someone special and she has a great deal to offer as a mate/partner/wife or girlfriend. She has a big heart, she is well read, educated, smart, cooks well, in addition to nagging and disapproving better than anyone else I know. I also thought it was a slimy move on the part of e-harmony. Sure you can post great rates of success if you’re going to screen and eliminate the especially neurotic people.

Google "eharmony rejection" - wow!


I can only assume, based on their commercials that e-harmony, Jdate, ChristianSingleMingle and KKK/ base and make their matches on compatibility. We’ve all seen the success story commercials. 
“I was tired of the bar scene and I talk too much. In addition to my annoying voice, I have nothing of interest to say or I am simply offensive and stupid…  Then I met Diane on e-harmony… a deaf woman…  we’ve been inseparable ever since”  Then Diane would “say” in sign language  “Thank you e-Harmony.”
To my way of thinking, compatibility is vastly overrated. I think incompatibility is where the best long term relationships can be found. My favorite case in point would be my grandparents; unhappily married for over 50 years. In terms of sticking it out through thick and thin with a level of contempt, disdain and sheer spite they were poetry in motion.  Even at the tender age of 9 I was in awe observing my grandparents watch the same television program on separate TV’s in separate rooms. Perhaps it was a generational thing, as I noticed after my grandfather’s retirement they would take trips to Myrtle Beach and Orlando with other couples who loathed each other and have a grand old time pairing off by gender and complaining about their spouses while looking for embarrassing t-shirts for their grandchildren. Yes, my grandma and grandpa went to Disneyland, and all I got was the lousy t-shirt which my mother made me wear with the Mickey Mouse ears to school to show my appreciation and assure myself a severe beating from other children at recess, whose grandparents bought them stereos and motorbikes.
Incompatibility is where it’s at. Love does not conquer all…spite does. Being a creative person with an interest in the sociological aspect of marketing and advertising; I can just picture the commercials for my concept. I’d start off with the clichéd testimonials.
Man: “I used to be happy. I went out with friends and enjoyed life.”  His facial expression darkens “Then I met Connie.”
Woman: “My mother was right. He’s a bum.”
Cut to a shot of the couple side by side scowling with their arms folded.
Man: “Oh her mother …what did I do in a past life to deserve being married to the offspring of that woman…was I a concentration camp guard or something…?”
Woman: “If it wasn’t for my mother’s support we’d be on the street.”
Man: “Yeah, it has been a whopping 20 minutes since you last brought that up”
Woman:  “It’s true, he’s always broke…maybe if he’d stop drinking beer and get a decent job we wouldn’t have to depend on my mother to help us make ends meet.”
Man: “Look in a mirror, if you were married to that, you’d drink too.”
The couple begins to yell at one another as the emblem for “Incompatible USA” comes across the screen. The emblem is the silhouette of a couple fighting. The man’s silhouette is strangling the woman, who in turn is brandishing a rolling pin menacingly.
Announcer: “Incompatible USA: Because hatred can keep you warm at night too.” or “You’ll always have something to argue about.”
I can just imagine the questionnaire involved and the rigorous screening process. Incompatible USA will painstakingly search for someone who is exactly and completely wrong for you. “Success” stories would include a sex pot wife and a closeted homosexual husband, a liberal wife married to an avid Rush Limbaugh conservative. A strict vegan and a McDonalds manager…
The matches made on will have greater rates of success that e-harmony.  Sure, they may have more matches, but we’ll have more in the way of years of misery.
  1. Poopie Pants says:

    Incompatibility is where it’s at!! I think there is so much incompatibility out there among the sexes…why not embrace it, eh? Lol and I recall trying out eharmony many many years ago and felt concerned when they said they had no compatible connections for me. I’m signing up for tonight… wish me luck. Lol great bloggie!

  2. who knew?! I can’t wait to tell all of my Jewish friends about it. They will thank me for their successful, if incompatible, matches. Cupid hall of fame here I come!


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