Losing My Cool, Losing My Edge

Posted: May 22, 2011 by S. Trevor Swenson in Me & Mine
Tags: , ,

I can remember, and it wasn’t that long ago that I used to be cool.  I swear I was.  I was edgy and interesting and cool.  Today there were several telltale signs that I have indeed lost any edginess that I may have had.  I have descended into lame, and I fear it’s just going to get worse with time until someday when I end up in a home screaming  “CHANGE ME!!!” after an accident.  Then telling the poor nursing home orderly with the dubious honor of changing my adult diapers, whilst reminding him not to skimp on the baby powder, that I used to be cool.

Here are just a few of the signs that I am well past my prime.

(1.) Today I woke up and reminded myself that I had errands to do. (Cool people don’t DO errands.  I got up and got dressed.
(2.) I injured myself by putting my pants on too quickly.  One of my toenails was a bit too long despite my bodily landscaping efforts and it got caught on my pants legs and tore my toenail (and some toe also) off.  Who injures themselves putting on their pants?  Lame.
(3) Then I had to look for the coupons I was going to use at the supermarket.  It’s funny I don’t recall any cool cultural icon ever using coupons.  Not Elvis, not James Dean, not Madonna and certainly not Prince.  Prince wouldn’t be caught dead with a coupon for .75 cents of any two cans of Progresso soup.  Know why??  Because Prince hasn’t lost his edge.  He is still cool.
(4.) At the supermarket I was reading the labels for fiber and cholesterol amounts.  I don’t think any of the Stones or Sex Pistols ever gave a damn about fiber.  I just can’t picture Keith Richards backstage saying “Oi Mick, where’s my bran muffin?”
(5.) Then to my horror I found myself rockin’ out to the music being played at the supermarket.
There was once a time when I made fun of the music played in these stores.  It used to be bad cheese instrumentals from Simon & Garfunkel, The Carpenters and Air Supply.  Now it’s music on CD’s I actually own and felt good about buying.
(6.) The final step to my seriously un-cool afternoon was waiting for the school crossing guard to give me the nod before crossing the street.
What happened to me?

Comments
  1. Tallkronan says:

    Don’t you love growing up?

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