People I Can Do Without, And Suitable Punishments

Posted: April 5, 2011 by S. Trevor Swenson in You & Yours
Tags: , ,

1. People at the gym who sit on the benches or at the weight machines talking on their cell phones. I’m tempted to start sitting very closely next to them, well within their ‘personal space’ staring and smiling until they get the hint.

2. People on crowded stairways or busy sidewalks who interrupt the flow of traffic, walking slower than a glacier going uphill, because they just have to respond to that urgent “Wat U Up 2” text. Let’s introduce a bill making it legal to throw rocks at these people.

3. Bicyclists that don’t obey the rules of the road, who ride like Mr. Magoo, forcing pedestrians and motorists who are obeying the laws of traffic to stop short, jump back or run just to avoid being hit by them, They should be sentenced to ride a tricycle with training wheels and a neon orange flag that reads “Asshole” everywhere for 3-5 years.

4. Any corporate employee who makes a 6 figure bonus on top of a 7 figure salary with benefits after the corporation has lost money and/or got bailed out by tax payers. Bonuses are incentives to do a good job or to work harder. They are also used to attract the best and brightest to make innovative decisions that make the company, shareholders and gasp, even the employees more money. They should never be automatic and never given when a company has a poor performance. Sentence these people to shovel chicken shit in Mississippi for the entire month of August for minimum wage, fed nothing but Ramen Pride and Kool Aid and forced to listen to Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” for every second of that month.

5. Men who make unwanted comments at women walking by. Sentence: 40 hours of go go dancing in a sequined thong at a truck stop gay bar.

6. Barbers and Hairstylists who do a bad job and still charge for the haircut. Sentence: They must sit down in the chair after handing the client the scissors. They will then be charged double and a 40% tip, as the victim smiles and says “No, really, it looks good!!!”

  1. Tallkronan says:

    Like! Like! Like! And agree!


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