Archive for December, 2010

A Translation Of Customer Service In America

Posted: December 2, 2010 by S. Trevor Swenson in You & Yours
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“Your call is VERY important to us . . .” Just not important enough to have a human being speak with you within an hour. Your call is important enough to make you listen to a recording while you beat yourself about the head with your telephone in frustration.

“Please enter your telephone number, area code first” When you finally reach a human being 2 hours later, we will ask you again for your telephone number, so apparently punching it in now means diddly, but it keeps us amused.

“Your call may be monitored for quality control or training purposes” After work we get drunk and stoned and laugh at the recordings of frustrated customers.  It makes our horrible minimum wage job almost seem worth it.

“Thank you for calling . . . (BLANK). How may we help you?” Have you enjoyed your 60 minute wait?  How was the muzak? Are you completely at you wits end, or should we disconnect you and start anew? I am not actually in any position to be of any assistance, I am just here for you to yell at for the moment and then feel guilty for verbally abusing some poor underpaid corporate clone.

“Let me pull up your account” I actually HAVE your account number in front of me because you entered it an hour ago, but I will need to ask you to repeat it 27 times,  I am going to get some coffee and I will be back in 5 minutes.

“Let me put you through to my supervisor”  My co-worker needs a good laugh,  hold on a second while I get them and have him or her pretend to be a supervisor.

“Is there anything else I can do for you today?”  Our company really sucks doesn’t it? I have just made you wait for an hour to speak to an actual human being who has been of no help whatsoever, and now I have the balls to ask if there is anything else I can do for you. Haha!