Archive for August, 2010

Americas Top Model

Posted: August 25, 2010 by S. Trevor Swenson in You & Yours
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A few weeks ago there was a big melee involving several women in line to try out to be on Americas Top Model.  Apparently the line was very long and slow moving causing tempers to flare and eventually erupt into physical violence. I wonder if I am the only person to see the humor as well as the sociological statement on Americas decaying values (Hey, THERE’S a reality TV show concept for you. Right after American Idol . . . Americas Decaying Values)
I wish I was there to hand out odd improvised weapons to these women, just to spice things up and make it more entertaining for fellow YouTube junkies.

Producer and Hostess of the show; Tyra Banks “felt bad about the incident” and vowed to take steps to avoid something like this happening again. Is she crazy?  This sort of thing should be held at Giants Stadium and on Pay Per View. Think of it.  Five thousand women all convinced of their beauty, style and grace beating on and stabbing one another for the chance to be on TV.
That is also, of course, where the humor lies.  All of these women are not only convinced of their beauty, they are convinced that they are more beautiful than all the other attractive women.  I bet there were a few fatties in there who weren’t standing for any commentary from the anorexics.  Personally, I adore women with a few extra pounds.  In my opinion, real women have curves.  I have always been semi disgusted with those waif models.  I always wanted to duct tape Kate Moss to a bench, stick a funnel in her mouth, and force mashed potatoes and Twinkies down her throat.

Egos like this are so disgusting and massive they probably show up on Doppler radar.   One of the ironies is that people that are absolutely certain that they are attractive are actually quite repugnant.  I think it is honestly one of the ugliest qualities. George W. Bush was so fond of saying “The terrorists hate our freedom”. That is, until one of his advisors told him to stop it.  I think the terrorists really hate our aspiring top models, our American Idols, our Paris, Brittney, Olsen Twins and Lindsays. Our Hummers, our ‘Sex And The City’, our ‘Confessions Of A Shopaholic’, our ‘Celebrity Rehab’, our Flavor Flav, and that silly little supporting Israel thingy.
I am also so tired of these shows predictable little competitions.  I have a few ideas on how to spice up Americas Top Model. Since so many models take laxatives between vomiting to keep that fabulous Auschwitz figure; why not make that a contest?  Have all the contestants in a room in white, Victoria’s Secret lingerie.  Have them ingest horse laxatives and the last one to crap their panties wins. Maybe it’s my strange sense of what is entertaining, but I’d LOVE to watch these young ladies clenching their teeth, with sweat pouring down their determined faces as they struggle not to make boom boom in their panties.  Nobody said being a top model was going to be easy. How about a cocaine snorting contest?  Another important skill for models to have.  Last one to overdose and go into convulsions wins immunity for that week. Maybe we could have a little race of sorts.  Have the contestants drink 8 Cosmopolitans and race across a busy 8 lane highway in Manolo Blahnik stiletto heels, while balancing a book on their pretty little heads.  Posture ladies, posture! Actually, come to think of it, the most entertaining contest of all with these women would probably be a spelling bee.